TheManager (it took me so much self control to not call him a stupid jackass) just left the plant to go take care of a customer complaint in Pennsylvania and that... that... man did not even let me know of his departure. I will tell you again. He is my manager. Managers should let their employees know when they will be absent from the plant (or State!) for three days. Plans, anyone? Courtesy? Responsibility?
He does that crap all of the time. He will leave for the day early without letting anyone in the lab, let alone the plant, know that he is gone. In a business where borderline questionable shipments must get Quality Control's approval, and the QC Manager is the person to make the call, it is not cool for TheManager to disappear without anyone that works for him to be left in the dark on his whereabouts.
I will divulge a lab secret. He does this all the time and when he leaves my specific product line hanging, I will usually just give my decision and if he disagrees with whatever I decide, the first thing out of my mouth is "Ummm, TheManager, you weren't here. You didn't even let me know you would be out, so I used my Acting Manager authority." Now imagine that being said in the voice of a disgruntled fast food burger flipper. (By the way, I do not have Acting Manager authority).

Uggghh. He disgusts me.

On the legs of my last post, GayGay, just asked me if I knew that the charges against John Mark Karr were dropped (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Mark_Karr.) While discussing JMK's general lunacy, he lets out this gem
"...he looks kinda feminine to me. He's got a narrow face. Great skin, pretty eyes..."
I had to pretend to go use the bathroom to go giggle for a few minutes. Kinda feminine like you, GayGay? Or don't you consider the hot pink running shorts you have feminine?
I'm trying to ignore the fact that he just gave a complement to a lunatic who lived in Bangkok (a place notorious for their child sex slave industry) and is probably making up this story about JonBenet to garner attention to himself. Instead, I'll imagine what GayGay would look like if he had gender reassignment surgery.

While MsAnnoying continues to tell everyone who crosses her path about her daughter being pregnant and what a shame it is since her doctor told her to wait six months before conceiving again and she did not, I will not venture that way today. I’m introducing Mr. Gay White Male aka GayGay. GayGay isn’t as outgoing as some of my other co-workers, but he is still just as full of character.
If I had to describe that way GayGay looks, I would have to say that this dear man is a dead ringer…

…Except that GayGay dresses nowhere as...conventional. Before the company cracked down on our dress code, GayGay would frequently wear fluorescent pink running shorts akin to these…

...maybe about 3 inches shorter though. And would never be seen without his ½ inch hoop earrings. Martin Mull has the same haircut, the same style glasses and the same tone of voice as when he played Leon on “Roseanne” (oddly enough as a gay man) as GayGay.

GayGay isn’t what one would call a flamer, but he certainly has some flamboyant tendancies. For example
1. In an email written a few years ago, he closed his message out by saying “All Hail Queen (GayGay)”
2. When I offered him a piece of cake one day, he declined saying he must “watch (his) girlish figure.”
3. One day when I asked if he cooks or if his partner does, he told me “The Wife does.” ‘The Wife’ is a man by the way, (in case you haven’t been paying attention).

GayGay’s partner is a barber and has subscriptions to all kinds of magazines. GayGay used to bring in Vibe, The Source and Ebony to work all the time. His partner is white, just like Mr. Gay White Male, but he is probably 60 something. He also brings in, reads and leaves on his desk, The Advocate and Out. If you don't know what these two mags are, then I suggest you google them.
In a very confusing incident, GayGay was reading a Playboy magazine and as I passed by him and glanced over his shoulder, I saw…well, what you would expect to see in a Playboy. Still to this day I am confused.

MsAnnoying strikes again

MsAnnoying just told me that her daughter, who just four months ago gave birth to a MiniAnnoying, is AGAIN pregnant. The baby is actually due on the same day as MiniAnnoying. How charming!
There are many reasons that is hilarious to me.
1. MsAnnoying has always tried to paint her daughter as such an angel. Angels don't get pregnant twice in a year's span.
2. My count of the people she's told about the pregnancy is now up to 23. People that work on the manufacturing floor can't come in the lab to request a test without being bombarded with "Guess who's having their 2nd grandbaby!" Privacy, anyone?
3. TheDaughter and her husband aren't thrilled. Hee.
4. MsAnnoying said that she asked her daughter weren't they using protection and TheDaughter says, "Yes, we were using spermicide..." Spermicide? SPERMICIDE?! According to www.youngwomenshealth.org/

"Spermicide alone is one of the less effective forms of contraception against pregnancy."

So look ahere, Honey, ditch the spermicide plan next time you are trying to NOT get knocked up...

More fun with SCWW


I keep going back on my word. I said in my first post that I would tell more about my other co-workers, but right now I want to concentrate on SCWW while introducing you to the another prominent character in the Quality Control Lab character base.

The Crazy Everybody Hates Her Middle Aged (Used to be fat but had gastric bypass surgery) White Woman (from now on, MsAnnoying) has had run ins with virtually every employee in the plant. She is a fiftysomething, OVERGROWN child. If something does not go the way the MsAnnoying wants it to go, she will
a. Throw a hissy fit
b. Go a tattlin'
c. Manipulate the hell out of any and everyone
to get what she wants. We refer to her as a big bully. Trust me when I say that you will get A LOT more in future posts about the glimpse of hell given to me by MsAnnoying, but it's safe to say that she does not target me anymore, I am now merely a witness to her madness.

While I acknowledge the pockets of OCD that I exhibit; compulsive neatness in 'my' areas, demanding, pompous organizing of test/test results that I manipulate, irritation at others' disorganization, and obsessively keeping any body part of mine out of contact with ANY surface in a public bathroom, I realized that everybody does not care about my concerns. (Sidenote; they should.) MsAnnoying does not see how her concerns should stop the presses. Like I said in my first post, SCWW is a slob. She is messy and inconsiderate of where she puts both things that she wants and things she wants to discard. This grates MsAnnoying. Grates her to the point she writes plant wide emails detailing her exasperation with SCWW and plots DAILY to get management attention on SCWW's mistake and shortcomings.

A recent situation between MsAnnoying and SCWW involves SCWW screwing up entries in one of our databases and MsAnnoying not being able to follow up her work. I came into work over a weekend and MsAnnoying couldn't wait 6 seconds before she was telling me all of SCWW's screw ups. She ended her tirade with, "I can't wait till TheManager fires her!" Mmmkay, now...

Rewind to March of this year when MsAnnoying's only daughter births a MiniAnnoying (to-be, I'm sure). She is named Alice Christine. Compare this to SCWW's birthname of Alicia Christianne.*

I was so observant and kind enough to notice the similarities in their names and brought it to MsAnnoying's attention. Well, I knew what I was doing, and it had nothing to do with being kind.
Cue the cartoon where the man turns beet red and little squiggly heat lines start radiating away from his head while a teapot whistle is heard. Really. She turned red. She managed to stammer out something like, "Well...I don't care too much for the name...but...I think, I'm just going to call her Grannie's Little Cherub." Poor thing. Imagine being called in for dinner while playing with the neighborhood kids by "Grannie's Little Cherub...time to come in! Dinner's Ready!"

Well, I just like that story because it reminds me of two things. First, in about 20+ years when I am becoming a grandmother to check my grandchild's name with my list of enemies that I've been gathering and second, that MsAnnoying can morph into a cartoon-like character before my eyes with the right choice of words. Voila. Instant entertainment.

*These are not their real names, are you serious?!?! They will NOT be suing me…

Yesterday I wrote an introduction into the people I work with and in particular, SCWW, today, I write about no one. I had a crappy day. My roofer got on my nerves, my daughter wouldn't cooperate and I argued with my boyfriend all before 8:30am! Work was blah and I had my annual physical. So I'm in no mood to be witty about the miscreants I work with.
I'll try again tomorrow.

Why I am starting this blog

I am a Quality Control Analyst for a manufacturing company. I have a BS in Chemistry and my background in chemistry is what landed me here in this lab six years ago. I work with another analyst, my manager and 4 lab assistants. My co-workers are the main reason I started this blog.

Oh, what an incredible group the QC lab is. We have:

• The Gay White Male
• The Extremely Volatile Middle Aged Fat White Woman
• The Crazy Everybody Hates Her Middle Aged (Used to be fat but had gastric bypass surgery) White Woman
• The Really Cool Middle Aged Alcoholic (I think) White Man
• The Delegate And Put Off As Much Work As Possible, Hate Dealing With Problems Middle Aged Only Republican In The Lab White Male Manager

and my personal favorite and inspiration for this blog

• The Space Cadet Weirdo Red/Air Head Fortysomething White Woman

and me. I am a 30 something Black Woman.

There are days when I love the diversity of our group, but most days, these people drive me batty. Today's focus is The Space Cadet Weirdo Red/Air Head Forthysomething White Woman. We'll call her SCWRAHFWW. Nah, we'll shorten it to SCWW. Yeah, that's better.

SCWW has a habit of totally forgetting procedures that we have been following for years. I mean she forgets key steps in tests that we perform and when asked about her shortcomings she will give the following excuses,

• "I was tired, I was working a (7, 10, 15) day stretch."
• "When did we change that? I didn't know we do it like that."
• "We don't get the help that the other Lab Assistants do." (To her defense, she does work nights and the 2 night Lab Assistants don't have the luxury of having the 2 Analysts and the Manager with them to help at night. However, you, dear reader, will sure learn in subsequent entries why this is sometimes just absolutely bogus!)

and my favorite

• "(Fill in name of co-worker) doesn't do that, so why should I?"

Ahhh, SCWW. Friday, she blamed overranging an instrument on The Gay White Male. She lied. The overrange was her fault.

I like SCWW, I really do. She is funny and enlightens me with her Midwestern/Irish/Hippie lifestyle that I would have otherwise never know about. She lends me some of her CDs, books, and magazines that she thinks I might be interested in. Most times, I am not, however, I give her credit for introducing me to Constant Comment tea. I know this is a very common tea, I just never tried it prior to her helping me when I had a cold a few years ago. Thanks, SCWW, I love that stuff!

But my like for her doesn't change that fact that sometimes working with SCWW is a challenge. She is a slob. We have to clean valve lubricant off of testing equipment and she leaves the paper towels that we clean the lubricant with strewn about the lab. She leaves used samples thrown haphazardly around the work benches. And here's the kicker, although we work in a FDA regulated plant, she doesn't wash her hands after she uses the bathroom. SCWW says to that, "It's not like I pee ON my hands or anything!"

Yes, yes. That's our Space Cadet Weirdo Red/Air Head Fortysomething White Woman and the reason this blog exists. Today as I was complaining to The Delegate and Put Off As Much Work As Possible Hate Dealing with Problems Middle Aged Only Republican In The Lab White Male Manager (TheManager) about SCWW's airheadedness, I quipped "...in another entry of why I should kill SCWW..." TheManager's reply was "You should write a blog about your life in the QC Lab. That would be interesting." So shall it be. My life in the Quality Control Lab is born. Never can he say that I don't follow his leadership.